We Are Alive
by seaweedfma
Summary: Hughes and Hawkeye can only try to comfort each other when someone close to them is lost. Maes Hughes x Riza Hawkeye implied Hughes x Hawkeye x Mustang . Rated M for sexual situations. AU- it isn't Hughes who dies, and there is no Gracia.


Title: Alive  
Author: Seaweed Otter  
Genre: Fluff and Smut and angst  
Rating: NC-17  
Pairing: Hughes x Hawkeye (and implied Hughes x Hawkeye x Mustang)  
Spoilers: A bit of AU- lets just say it isn't Hughes who dies.. and *GASP* there is no Gracia!! (And BTW, the characters are so entirely not mine.)  
Quote: "I am sure we will have a lot to talk about later, my love. But at least we know now that we are alive."

This was done for the FMA_Fuh_Q community on Live Journal.

When the casket was lowered into the ground, Riza felt the power go out from her knees, and only Hughes being next to her saved her from taking a spill. He caught her, gently lifting her back to her still shaky feet. Her eyes, red rimmed and glazed over with tears, met his for a moment, and his heart sank even more.

"We... will get through this, Riza." He gently gave Riza's hand a squeeze, hoping that it would help at least a little bit to keep her strong enough to survive through the rest of the ceremony.

They were both very grateful when the ceremony was finally over. They stood back for a moment while the rest of the mourners, save one, filed out. Havoc stood, respectfully distant, waiting for them to finish so he could drive them home. The officer had known about the involvement of the three officers, and it was little surprise to Havoc that he was driving Riza back to Hughes' house.

Hughes kneeled down in front of the grave. "All the times that you told me you were going to be the first to go, I never believed you. You were handsome and strong. You were a flame blowing wildly in the breeze, a fire that no woman could tame. At least until Riza came along. Then some bitch comes along and snuffs out your fire with one gunshot. It is the most unfair way to go." He paused, his eyes starting to tear. The grave in front of him became a blur, the letters random shapes floating within his view.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, a soft, small hand pressing down on the fabric of his dress jacket. He didn't need to look back to know who it was. "I.. we.. miss you buddy." He didn't even try to hold back his tears. They stained his cheeks and soaked his collar. Riza leaned down and gently wrapped her hands around his upper chest.

Carefully, slowly, she started to pull him up a little. She knew she wouldn't be strong enough to pull him up to a standing position, but she could encourage him to move, to go forward, continue thier lives, as hollow as they seemed at the moment.

"Come on, Maes." She gently encouraged him, and was glad when he started to stand on his own. She was sure her mental state as well as her physical state left her unable to support him. She leaned up, using a handkerchief to dry his eyes. "Let's go. It is going to rain soon."

"Yes." Was all that Maes could reply.

Afterward, he couldn't remember how he got to the car, or the drive back to his house, big and empty and dark. He didn't remember that the short conversation that Riza later said that he had had with Havoc as they departed from his car. It was like slow motion, everything just seemed a little left of correct, a tiny bit outside of reality. Somehow, seemingly moments after he was at the grave site, he was on his couch, out of his coat and dress jacket, with a drink in his hand, and a beautiful woman sitting at his side.

He looked around, blinking, with a somewhat confused look on his face. It took him a few moments to understand why and how he got here. "Riza.. I.. am home?" he asked, bringing the drink to his nose, he took a sniff and scrunched up his face. Whiskey, and a strong one. That was a drink that Roy had always loved, and one that Hughes had always been trying to get him to slow down on. With a look of disgust, he put it down on the table.

"Yes, Maes. Are you okay?" She put the back of her hand on his forehead. The cool softness of her hand felt nice on his skin. When they touched, even in the dark, he could feel the difference in his two lovers. Hers was always so soft and gentle, and his was always calloused and dry. It was like oil and water, and they were perfect together, two sides of the same coin. She was sweet and loving to his gruff and  
straightforwardness. The three of them together were three sides of a right triangle, each side as important as the next, not complete without all the parts together.

"You feel hot. I think you need to get to bed." Riza took his hand, and for the second time tried to pull him upwards. He didn't comply at first this time. He looked at her, a distant, needy look in his eyes.

"Please... Riza.. Don't leave me.. I can't be alone.. not now.. not.... ever.."

She gently rubbed at his hair and took his glasses off, placing them on the table by the couch. "Okay, Maes. Let's head to bed. It has been a long day." He gave no resistance when she pulled him up, leaning on her low, narrow shoulder out of the living room and down the short hallway to the bedroom.

Maes couldn't feel his legs as he walked back to his own bed, and was not surprised that his muscles gave out the second he reached the edge of the bed. He collapsed, face first onto the bed, his body still half hanging off the edge.

"Maes!" Riza an over to him and tried to push him up into the bed, with little success. He was so much taller, and despite his look, he was deceptively thick and heavy, with long arms and legs. After some prodding, she finally got him onto the bed. He lay there, helpless, staring up at the speckled ceiling, his mind about a million miles away.

With a sigh, Riza pulled off his boots and socks, then unbuttoned his blue undershirt and unbuckled his belt. "Maes, I know you are in there somewhere. Please help me and at least lean up so I can take off your shirt." Without a word, he mechanically sat up, his eyes glass- red, and moist, his face an expressionless mask.

This was so unlike Maes that it scared Riza. Could someone die of a broken heart? She wasn't sure what else could be happening to him. He had managed to make it through the discovery of Roy's body, and the day he had to go identify and retrieve the body, and even earlier that day with he funeral, but she guessed that it had finally been enough, and he had no more to give.

She took off his shirt and threw it to the end of the bed, taking the advantage of him sitting up to undo his belt and toss it down with his shirt. Maes lay back down and arched his body, lifting his rear off the bed slightly without prodding from Riza. She unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, making a small pile of clothing. Maes lay back down, ramrod straight, arms by his side, blank gold green eyes staring ever  
upwards.

"Maes.. Maes.. can you even hear me? Can you say something? Anything?"

"Something. Anything."

Riza smiled. Somewhere deep inside that pain Maes Hughes was still there, his humor still intact, even with a broken heart. "Silly." She quickly took her own clothes off, down to her panties, and slipped into the bed, gently tossing the covers over the two bodies. she spooned up behind him, gently draping an arm over his side, to his bare chest. She gently rubbed at his chest, trying to get him to relax.

"Please, Maes, let me in. I know you don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone either. I know he meant a lot to both of us. Don't just stare up at the ceiling. Cry, or smile, or do something! please!" she balled up her fist, her eyes rimmed with tears. He blinked once, twice, a third time. His breathing quickened, and his glazed eyes seemed to flicker to life, if just barely. He turned his head, agonizingly  
slow, towards her.

"I... I.. need you, Riza. I need to feel alive. I am so alone, so cold, I feel so dead inside.. " His body followed his head, and he turned on his side, facing Riza.

"Please.. I can't be alone.. I need to feel something.. someone." His eyes had just a tiny bit of the spark that was the life force of Maes Hughes inside of them. Somewhere deep in those sad gold-green eyes was the man that Roy and Riza had loved.

Riza was silent. She said nothing, but bent forward to give him a soft kiss on the lips. Even as she pulled away, she could see and feel a little bit of the stress and worry lifting from his body.

Her hands softly explored his chest, almost totally barren of hair, save for two small, cute patches close to his nipples and a dark, curly mass leading downwards from his belly to lands unknown underneath his boxer shorts- the sole remaining remnant of clothing on his body.

She looked into his eyes, laying on a longer, stronger kiss, like she was trying to give some of her strength to him. It seemed to do something. She felt his hands start to touch her, softly, tentatively at first. It almost made her feel like he was touching her for the first time, trying to explore her, memorize the curves of her form.

Riza let him explore as long as he wished. It seemed like an eternity to her. He took his time, making sure he didn't miss any small bit of her. His smooth fingers felt her lips, her smooth, rounded chin, her soft neck, and down to her firm, supple breasts. As his thumb lightly brushed her nipple, she caught her breath sharply.

"Mmm... Maes." She almost hissed. A slight smile fluttered across his face for just a second. If she had blinked, she would have missed it. He hesitated for just a moment, the continued over to her other nipple, which he ever so gently flicked his tongue against, making Riza close her eyes and moan loudly. "Ohh.. God..."

Maes moved his head downwards, tracing his finger down her toned stomach, around her belly button, and down further, to her last remaining clothing. He looked at her, his eyes asking for silent permission. She nodded, and he wasted no time in gently pushing her panties down and pulling them off.

For a moment, he just lay there, snuggled close to her, almost afraid to touch her. His mind was a jumble of emotions. His eyes started to glaze over again, flashes of memory filling his mind. His best friend's body under the sheet.. Blood staining the ground underneath the phone booth... The coffin being lowered into the ground.. His breath quickened and sweat started to form on his brow.

"Maes?" Riza quickly sat up, gently touching him at first. He didn't respond at all. He shook, his whole body clammy and cold. Riza shook him harder. "MAES! MAES!" He finally blinked, and came back into the real world. He didn't say a thing, he just wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her shoulder. She could tell he was sobbing, watching his shoulders heave. She gently rubbed his bare back in circles, holding him tight.

"Shh... It is okay, Maes. I understand. I miss him too." Her eyes welled with almost unshed tears. She had been trying to be strong for him, and her facade was quickly fading. She wasn't sure what would happen if they both broke down.

She took a couple of deep breaths, gently pushing those increasingly upsetting feeling back down, like she had been trained to do years before. She knew what it was to be a wooden soldier, and even if it cost her some pain down the road, she had to be here for Maes right now. He needed her, in more ways than one, it seemed.

He pulled his head away from her shoulder looking up and blinking at her, looking like a kid who was being told his scraped knee was going to be alright. He cocked his head to the side, almost as if he was trying to figure something out, then he pushed softly upwards, pressing his lips to hers with a new ferocity that she hadn't seen in him in many years, right after the three of them had become an item- they had been so much  
younger in inexperienced in love, and in life.

Eagerly, he pressed forward, seeking entrance to her mouth with his, and when she complied his tongue greedily pushed inwards, massaging her tongue, scraping against her teeth, diving deep into her.

His fingers fumbled around her chest- he was acting more like a horny 16 year old with no experience than the polished lover that she had known from the past, but she let him lead, knowing that this really wasn't the best way to deal with grief- there would be time for more crying later- but that this was what he needed anyways right at this moment, the knowledge that he was still breathing, alive.

She broke for a moment, catching her ragged breath and gently pulling his hair back from his face. She gave one look into those broken gold green eyes and wondered if they would ever truly shine again. Riza's thoughts were wrenched from her when he pressed up into her lips again and used his superior weight to roll her to her back and press himself down on top of her. She felt his breathing, in time with his, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was already slick with sweat, and the fabric of his boxers did nothing to hide his evident arousal.

Riza was pinned, even if she had wanted to help him take his boxers off (and God knows she did) she couldn't have. Usually she didn't mind not being the one in control, but Maes was acting very unstable, and part of her was more than a bit scared of what he might do without thinking about it.

She tried to push that out of her mind, getting back into the moment. Deep in her heart she knew that Maes would never do anything to hurt her on purpose, but she wasn't sure if even he knew what he was doing now.

Thankfully, she didn't have to wait long. Maes broke the kiss only long enough to pull his own boxers down and used a foot to skillfully toss them off the bed, in the general vicinity of the still growing pile of clothes. he had one hand on he bed, between her shoulder and head, steadying himself and effectively pinning her to the spot. His other hand moved quickly down her body, over one breast, down her stomach, and to her most feminine area.

"Ohh..." She groaned, any thought but the moment lost in one simple touch. She arched her back, pressing her chest almost painfully up into his when one finger entered her, quickly and with purpose. She was already slick with desire, which brought an almost predatory look to Maes' face for a few brief moments.

A second finger went in, and immediately after, a third. She closed her eyes tight. Her fingers clawed softly at the sheets under her. She knew she was lost to him now, no matter what he did, she was his.

Maes stroked his fingers inside of her one, two, three, four... each time she writhed under him, her body starting to shake. Her eyes were screwed tight shut, her whole body tense with anticipation. He heard her soft sigh when he pulled out, and wasted no time adjusting his position over her.. With a loud groan, he entered her fully, not as wide as the three fingers side to side, but thick and full and ready.

"Yesss.." The first words he had said in a while, came thru clenched teeth, sounding more like a snake's hiss than a human voice. Riza shivered, the sound unnerved her a bit, but with one push into her, that thought flitted away as well, and she was left only with the desire for the man that now moved deep within her.

It was a sensual dance, a tango of two that they rode, ebb and flow like waves, moving as one body and one soul. He was more gentle now, much more of the lover that she had known many times before. There was speed, desperation still, but he had control now, a control she lacked. Mouths met again, tongues wrestled, her hands explored his chest and ran small lines of red down his back as she traced her fingernails down into his flesh. He hissed again, but it was a hiss of pleasure and pain.

She tried to focus.. She felt herself reaching the crest soon.. so soon.. She wanted to hold off, let him ride her longer, faster. She didn't want it to end, it felt so good, and she was scared of what kind of broken man that she would find at the end of the pleasure, but it was all too much.. she cried out in pleasure and frustration to him.

"Oh... Maes... MAES!!" Like a body hitting the water it rocked her world, her vision blurred, her whole body convulsed involuntarily. She pushed her body upwards, slamming as hard as she could into him. Her nails drew small lines of blood in his back when she called his name at the height of her pleasure.

He could hardly feel it.. He was lost in his own pleasure, the desire, the lust.. he was close.. so close.. it was all he could feel, smell, see. He felt her writhe and contort under him, and it drove him mad with desire and ultimate need. The pain in his back, and in his heart was a million miles away, his adrenalin coursing through his veins.

When she slammed up into him, it was all he could do to not explode right there. He thrusted a couple more times.. felt his body tense up, and leaned his head back, shouting to the heavens.. "RIIIIZZAAAAA!!"

Moments later, some small pocket of sense in the back of his brain was telling him that he knew he couldn't collapse on top of her. His brain was trying to tell him that, but his body was not listening. When the orgasm finally subsided, his arms went wobbly, and he half succeeded in pulling back out of her and rolling partially to the side before he collapsed, clipping her shoulder with his on the way down.

He landed face first, rather unceremoniously on the sheets instead of on the pillows, which would have cushioned his blow at least a little. He tried to move, but his muscles were still not responding. His lungs, pressed into the sheets under him, cried for air, but he couldn't even move his head to the side to get a clear airway.

"Maes! Maes!" Riza rolled to her side to check on her collapsed lover, using the last of her energy to move his face to the side. He sputtered a couple of times and took in huge gulps of air. "Maes, are you alright? You just gave out!"

He tried to talk, but it came out as a jumbled mess of syllables. "M'k.. Mrrr mmmfff.." His eyes glazed again, but this time in sheer exhaustion. Gently, Riza stroke his sweaty, matted hair.

"You just go to sleep love. You are so exhausted from all of this. We will talk more in the morning. I am going to go clean up, and I will be back in a couple of minutes." He barely nodded, said a couple of more noises that sounded like they may have been words and closed his eyes, still not bothering to move his head the couple of inches forward to the pillows.

She heard him softly snoring before she had even finished leaning down to give him a kiss, then rolled over and off the bed. Riza brushy away the hair from his head one more time. She smiled gently as she walked to the bathroom, her eyes starting to moisten already. "I am sure we will have a lot to talk about later, my love. But at least we know now that we are alive."


End file.
